funny, jenni this is for you again mostly because you are the one who reads this thing.

i dont know if i can handle much more of this. and by "this" i mean a compilation of my super liberal idiot of a professor who doesn't know his head from his ass, not having time to myself, trying to figure out the meaning of the universe and my place in it, and desperately wanting to go home. i just want the familiar again. it's been really trying. i've had some good times and some bad times. this is only the second time in my life that i can remember being lonely almost to the point of desperation, the other time was in fifth grade.

so i guess i will wake up everyday and just try to make it through. i know that i will be ok and that everything will be fine but it is such a struggle for me. it does make me happy to know that my friends back home miss me and are awaiting my coming arrival. it makes me feel better to think that i am missed and loved. i need some bacon and eggs and i want to be at home sitting at the table i grew up sitting at using my grandmothers silverware and drinking from our blue glasses that match the blue throughout the kitchen. i can see everything in my house, i can place it all from my room to the back of the house. i can look out the door and see my puppy wagging her tail. i see it all. my truck, college station, langford, whataburger late at night. so yeah, you could say i was homesick. just a little.

Currently Listening Absolution By Muse see related

this is for you jenni.

this week has been a bad week. basically, from different sources, i keep getting the hint that i'm a mean person, or that i'm not talented and i suck at what i do. maybe i'm just reading this stuff wrong. who knows. but i'm sad today and i feel lonely and overwhelmed and i desperately want to go home. i miss my family, i miss my friends. i miss my daddy and my sister and my grandparents and church and the pizza shop and the long ass drive home that i hate making. i miss my liz and stacy (who i'll never see again). i miss my jenni in missouri. i want to come visit you. i miss brandon and sitting outside just bullshitting about life. i miss hanging out with everyone and especially my lunches with liz.

ok, so enough about that. why the hell is everyone getting married? good god. is something wrong with me? did i miss the memo that this had to be done right after college or in your last semesters or maybe it was when you hit 22 that you are supposed to be engaged. i never got it. it must have gotten lost in the mail. i hate it. i'm only going to four weddings this next year, if you have one planned for this next year, too late i'm booked. four is my limit in one year. i have one in january, one in may, megans at some point, and jannadances at some point. and thats stinking IT. no mas! i will be busy. i hate weddings. maybe it's because i'm jealous. or maybe because i'm lonely. don't get me wrong. i think it's a great way to celebrate someone's love for one another but i just can't handle it. one day i will have one too, if my disdain for weddings doesn't last.

i'm just sad today. 

i'm terrified... did i tell you that? that i'm scared beyond belief, yet so excited i can't stand it. this knot in my chest keeps growing.

this is what i've been waiting for my whole life. i'm really doing it. i'm moving to italy for three months.

i don't feel ready at all. i never thought this was something i would be doing.

i keep having to remind myself that it doesn't matter if i forget anything, italy is not a third-world country. they have modern convienences.

i can't wait, but i'm terrified.

i have a sunburn and it hurts...